Fixing the Damage
by Thefanficmistress
Summary: Harper looses contol over an old friend (New Part! 02-04-05)
1. Default Chapter

Title: Fixing the Damage  
  
Author: Shadowkat83  
  
Rating: R (some strong violence)  
  
Summery: Harper looses control over an old friend.  
  
Fixing damage. That's all I'm good for here. They are so quick to tell me to shut up, or to neglect my needs. So quick to overlook me or disregard my suggestions until something needs to be fixed. I throw my tools down in frustration and the loud echoing sound they make seems to make me feel a little better. The frustration I feel right now is something that I have had to deal with more and more lately. I feel like I'm falling apart. Fixing the same conduits and circuits for a ship full of people who would toss me to the waste side if given the chance. It doesn't matter how many times Dylan says good job. I know I'm just a little mudfoot to him. I'm just a temporary fix-it man for his ship. I know he can't wait to get rid of me and get a "real" engineer from his precious Common Wealth. And Tyr...I don't even have to explain that. He's a Niet and I'm a kludge...end of story. Trance, Rev, Beka...they all have their own goal and reason for moving forward. They all have reasons for living. Unfortunately I don't. I've been struggling so hard to survive and for what? So I can be the dumb little kludge everywhere I go? So I can be treated like a pet instead of a person? I slam my fists against the conduit and it fizzles out adding to my growing rage. Running my hands through my hair I curse the day I arrived on this god-forsaken ship.  
  
"Your suppose to fix the ship boy. Not break it." Came a voice from behind me. I knew exactly who it was. My shoulders tightened and my fists balled up and it felt like something in my head detached and entered my blood stream. It felt like something hot and caustic was flowing through my veins. I hadn't felt this in years.  
  
"Tyr I don't wanna talk to you right now" I said through clinched teeth. I knew he hadn't done anything to me but all I could see was red. He stood there oozing his testosterone and sporting his usual cocky smile. I couldn't stand it...He seemed so stable and sure of himself, everything I was lacking. He didn't deserve to have purpose. I've been struggling all my life and I can't find a reason to take my next breath, while he stands there with confidence. I could hear him stepping closer. The sound of his leather pants crackling and his boots hitting the ground was amazingly loud. It felt like he was mocking me. Strolling along filling the room with his superiority.  
  
"Tyr! just leave. I'm warning you!" I said almost yelling it. I could hear him snicker behind me. He didn't understand that I was trying not to hurt him...Trying not to let all this go.  
  
"What are you gonna do?" He said in his usually stoic yet amused tone. It was the last straw. What ever was holding me together snapped and I felt a sharp surge in my neck. I had to take him down. Remove the sly smile from his face. I had to make sure he would take me seriously next time I opened my mouth. I turned around and he flinched. The look he gave me was so familiar. I had seen it so many times on earth. His eyes searched mine and then he opened his mouth with hesitation.  
  
"Har..harper..?" I didn't let him finish, with all my might I punched him. I gritted my teeth and sent blow after blow hitting the dazed and surprised neit in his face. I begun to zone out. The red turning into a long tunnel. The light at the end getting smaller and smaller. I could hear myself talking but knew that I had never thought or intended to say those things. It all felt surreal, like I was watching this all happen from afar.  
  
"Are you smiling now!" I screamed. Was it me? Did I say that? He regained his composure and struck out but missed me.  
  
"Everyone thinks I can't fight! They think I'm weak, but I'll show you!!" All I could think about is the story of David and Goliath. My mom use to read it to me when I was younger. I was David taking this giant down.  
  
"What's going on in here!" Dylan said walking in the room angry as ever. Tyr diverted his attention and I took advantage. I wasn't ready for this fight to end, Something in me wouldn't let this fight end. I kicked him in his stomach and when he doubled over I hit him in the base of his neck. He fell to the ground and with all my strength I stomped down on his dreaded bone spurs snapping two of them in half. My breathing was ragged as I stood over the huge giant, Tyr anasazi. The big bad niet with all the charisma, all the overbearing conceit. He was finally taken down by me! A stupid kludge! Who's equal now! Someone grabbed me from behind and I didn't even attempt to struggle. I had done what I had needed to do, What...he had wanted to do. I had finished what I had started. Tyr would never second- guess me again.  
  
"Trance...Report to the engine room." Dylan said eyeing me angrily.  
  
"What the hell was that about Harper!" He yelled.  
  
"I'm just tired Dylan! I'm tired of playing the happy little push over! I'm not the mat for you guys to walk all over...I refuse to be taken advantage of! I said poking Dylan in the chest. But it wasn't me. I watched as Trance scurried in the room and over to the unconscious Kodiak.  
  
"Tyr just learned that lesson." I said before storming off to my room. I could hear Dylan yelling after me. Something about being confined to quarters but I didn't care. I didn't give a damn.  
  
3 Hours later.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I heard a knock on my door and I quickly wiped my face. I knew exactly what was wrong with me and I knew that Beka would know too. I had hoped this day would never come but hear it is.  
  
"Harper...please let me in." Beka said through the door. Her voice was pleasant and even though I had a feeling of dread tugging at my mind and heart I let her in anyway. She stepped in and let the door close behind her. She stood silently in my dark room just staring at me. I felt like I fool. I didn't know whether she looked disappointed in me or if it was my mind playing tricks on me.  
  
"I'm sorry beka." I said. The tears started to stream down my face. Tears of frustration and fear. Under normal circumstances I would have never hit Tyr. I would never hit any member of this crew. Beka stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me.  
  
"Is it what you told me might happen if your data port started to malfunction?" She whispered. I shook my head and she breathed in deeply. I felt like a 3-year-old. I sunk into her and found it ironic how I had lumped her with the rest when I was mentally badmouthing the crew when she is the only person with me right now when I'm at my lowest. She is the only person I could trust with my secret. She has always cared for me.  
  
"I just lost control. I couldn't stop it." I said frantically. She rubbed my back, which soothed me.  
  
"I know Harper. We have to get you to a doc." She said hesitantly. She was afraid to upset me. Afraid of what I might do.  
  
"I know but the Maru is down. we'll go after I fix it." I said quietly. I lightly touched my data port. I had almost forgotten about the real reason I had gotten this cold metal attached to my brain and neck.  
  
"Do you really wanna wait? You really scared Tyr and Dylan back there. Even Trance is scared." Beka said wrenching me away from reminiscing. I frowned and looked down. I was shirtless, wearing only my pajama bottom. I looked across the room at my reflection in the mirror. That was me standing there...Seamus Z Harper but I knew without help it wouldn't stay that way.  
  
"I know but we don't have any choice. The slipfighters are down and so is the Maru. The only other option is to take the Andromeda...Oh no Beka!" I said realizing what she was getting at. It took me years to tell Beka. It took years and a lot of trust. I just can't tell anyone else and Beka knew that I would have to tell Dylan why we were gonna throw all caution to the wind so I can see a doc. I could feel a little pinch at the back of my neck and compounding rage. Beka's face shifted to this awful face that was filled with worry...the same face Tyr had given me in the engine room. Just before I had lost all control.  
  
"Harper! Harper! Calm down!" Beka shouted...But I couldn't control myself. I was running on autopilot. I picked up the closest thing to me and threw it. She ducked just in time and watched it shatter against the far wall.  
  
"Noooo! Noooo! Just...just leave me alone!" I said. My voice wavered with fear and mental exhaustion.  
  
"You know I can't do that. I care to much." She said stepping forward. The rage continued to grow and everything was starting to go black. I had tunnel vision and I knew that if I completely blacked out I couldn't be held accountable for my actions. I flashed back to earth. I saw all those times when people were ready to kill me for things I didn't even remember doing. Mobs and hordes of people being held back by my parents pleads.  
  
"No! no you don't! you don't care at all!" I shouted. Deep in my heart I knew that wasn't the truth but I couldn't speak. It felt like I was looking through eyeholes in a sheet. Beka kept getting closer. I wanted her to run but I couldn't tell her. I could feel myself pacing, and ranting.  
  
"Harper you know I care. I've never let you down and I don't plan on letting you down anytime in the future." She said laying a hand on my shoulder. I screamed out but she couldn't hear me. It never escaped the lips of...him. I remember him so well. My imaginary friend gone bad...my life gone bad. He started out so innocent, popping up when I needed him, like when I was afraid of the dark or afraid of the slumgangs. I thought it was normal, a boy and his imaginary friend, until I couldn't get rid of him...Until he started taking over.  
  
"We have to get you to a doc...look at yourself! You don't wanna be like this do you?" Beka continued. She pointed to the mirror. I gasped internally, staring at the rage creased face that stared back at me.  
  
"Come on Harper...you trusted me enough to tell me...trust me enough to have your best interest at heart." She wrapped her arms around me and slowly guided me to the floor. Hesitantly my body followed. My breathing calmed and the tunnel became wider and wider until I had full control over my own body.  
  
"Will you please let me tell Dylan so we can go see the doc right away?" She said rocking me back and forth. She was so loving.  
  
"Ok" I whispered back. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
(this part gets a little darker)  
  
The bed shifted snapping me out of the weird state I was in, between being asleep and being tiresomely awake. I watched Beka tiptoe through my room with one shoe in her hand. I could tell she was looking for the other, kicking around the mess I had created during the several tantrums I had last night. She had stayed with me through the night helping me when I cried and soothing me when I yelled. Tears gathered in my eyes just thinking about how devoted a friend Beka...Captain Beka Valentine was. She finally found her shoe and crept over. She watched me while I pretended to be sleep. I didn't' want her to have to explain why she was leaving, I already knew why. She was leaving to explain to Dylan that I was crazy, over morning coffee. She would tell him that I had a sever form multiple personality disorder and that I have had it since I was 9. She would tell him how my data port was installed when I was 15 to suppress.my altar. and how it was malfunctioning. She would also have to tell him that I couldn't go to just any doc to get this fixed but the one who had installed my data port in the first place. Using a data port to suppress an altar personality was an experiment that only Dr. Keets ventured into. To her misfortune she would have to be there when he exploded in frustrating. She would have to tell him that he resides on the hell whole called earth and that we would have to find a way there before the neural components of my implant are absorbed by my brain. She sighed heavily in rhythm with my mental sigh. She kissed my forehead and left the room leaving me to my thoughts. I couldn't believe that I was dealing with this again. This issue of sanity. It just didn't seem real. I hadn't had...him here to bother me in 10 years. His presence has brought all my childhood memories flooding back much to my horror. I can remember how my parents use to cry. Every night wondering what was wrong with me and I use to cry cause I didn't have an answer.  
  
He started out as my imaginary friend named Shane. He would be there to protect me and give me encouraging words when I was frightened. I couldn't wait for my mom to tuck me into bed at night cause when she closed the door Shane would be there and we'd talk and jump on the bed...even though we weren't suppose to. He was my height and age. Short and thin just like me. His eyes were a piercing blue and his hair was long and brown. His features were somewhat feminine, his chin was slender and his hands were little and petite. He always wore the same clothes, dirty brown pants and a huge shirt that hung off of him leaving his chest exposed through the huge neck hole. The memory made me smile but it soon turned into a frown when I remembered how he had drastically changed. One day out of the blue he started to talk for me and I couldn't make him go away. I remember I was standing in front of the slumgang. They had caught me coming home from the little makeshift market the Anderson's had made about a 10 minuet walk from my house. I tried to hide the bread I had bought behind my back but they saw it anyway. I can still remember how scared I was, how my teeth chattered cause I was trembling so hard. There was over 20 of them and then there was a 9-year- old me. Standing there shaking in my filthy rags. I could hear Shane talking in the back of my head which wasn't unusual. He was always there when I was scared but this time he wasn't telling me to run he was telling me to tell them off. I was too afraid to open my mouth or to even run. They kept advancing on my position Flipping out pocketknives, shives and pipes. Shane started to yell but I couldn't respond. Then all of a sudden my body wasn't mine...I wasn't controlling anything. Words came poring out of my mouth and the gang became instantly enraged. I tried to stop myself but I couldn't. I got the courage to run but my legs wouldn't move. He kept talking and they finally had had enough. They tackled me to the ground and beat me till I couldn't' stand and then they beat me some more. They didn't even bother to take the bread when they were done. Beating me seemed to satisfy them enough. I sat there in my own blood...spitting out my teeth and wondering what had happened. I can still remember what Shane said to me.  
  
"You deserved to be beaten...If you never stand up for yourself you will always be the victim. And anyway look.... You still have the bread." He stood over me with his hands on his hips. He smiled wildly and reached out his hand to help me up. I just stared at him covering my bloody mouth. They had slit the corners of my mouth...they said to keep me from talking so much next time. I whimpered loudly and Shane frowned deeply. His eyes squinted and he threw his long brown hair over his slender shoulder.  
  
"You're so pathetic. I have to do everything for you! You would have just taken that! Don't you see...That was the only way to keep the bread...So your hurt...Get over it!" He yelled. His face became pale and his eyes turned from blue to a deep void like black. His nose flared in disgust and he slowly stepped toward me. I tried to move...I tried to get away from him but my legs were broken and my ribs ached when I breathed. The agony I was in was surpassed by my extreme fear of my own imaginary friend. He didn't seem so imaginary anymore...He didn't seem like much of a friend anymore. He knelt down inches from me and shook his head.  
  
"I always thought you were weak. I just hoped you'd grow out of it." He said and then he sunk into me like a ghost. I felt a strange pinch at the base of my skull and my vision narrowed. My skin felt tingly and I couldn't help but shiver. I looked down to see all the blood I had lost. I could hear my mom calling my name in the distance. Someone must have told her what happened and I was relieved. I noticed the crowd that had formed around me. There hands covering their mouths in shock. At first I thought they were mocking me but I realized that they were horrified at my mangled state. I didn't seem to feel the pain All I saw were there faces and all I heard was my mom calling my name over and over. A voice interrupted it all, a voice deep in my mind.  
  
"Run to mama." He whispered and then laughed. I knew at that moment I had to get rid of him. I knew he was dangerous. My mom finally made it to me, kicking up dust with her rapid approach. She tried to move me but I screamed out in agony uncovering my blood filled mouth. She stopped and gasped grabbing my chin and examining the damage. A river of tears ran down her face and were soaked up by her shirt.  
  
"Get Mr. Keets! Get Mr. Keets!" She screamed over and over. No one moved so she screamed louder pulling everyone's attention away from me to her important words. The crowd dispersed running in different directions screaming for the Mr. Keets. Most mumbled and went on their way never looking back. She rocked me and rubbed my back and I sunk into her. No one could soothe me like she could. I could feel her tears fall into my blond bloodied hair. The last thing I remembered as I looked down at my hands was wondering how much time had past cause the blood on my hands had hardened and flaked. Then everything went black.  
  
I realize now why Beka was able to soothe me. She reminded me so much of my mother. I shook the memory away and forced myself out of bed. I ran my hands through my hair and stretched. I could feel a slight hum in the back of my mind and I knew Shane would soon have something to say. There was a knock on my door and I debated on answering. I didn't wanna talk to Dylan. Even though I knew it was necessary. The knock came again and I opened the door mindlessly only to find who I thought would be at the door wasn't. I opened my mouth to gasp but was yanked from the room with an extreme force. I closed my eyes against the harsh bright lights of the corridor. My back slammed into the far wall knocking all the wind out of me and making my eyes snap back open. I slid to the floor agonizing over my back and wiping the spit that had flown out of my mouth off my chin. Tyr stood in the doorway of my room just staring at me. He seemed to move in slow motion, his hair gently swaying before finding their resting-place. His face dropped into a tight grimace and a loud growl rumbled in his throat. My eyes drifted from his face down his flexed muscles to the broken bone spurs on his bandaged forearm. He followed my gaze and when I looked up he was even angrier then before. I lifted my hands to cover my face.  
  
"I'm sooo sorry Tyr! I didn't mean it. I couldn't stop myself. It was an accident." I rambled incoherently. My fear had stopped all blood flow to my brain apparently. What do you say to an angry nietzschean? Obviously sorry wasn't it. He grabbed me and roughly pulled me to my feet putting excruciating pressure on my collarbone with his grip. Disembodied whispers filled my mind and I tried to shut them out.  
  
"Tyr please forgive me! I'm really sorry...Those will grow back right?" I said with an awkward laugh. He roared and revved back sending me flying against the wall. I grabbed my chest and wheezed weakly.  
  
"I guess that's a no." I said under my breath.  
  
"Tyr. You seriously don't wanna play this game with me." I said feeling an aura of power come over me. I knew what was happening and I didn't know who to be more afraid of. Shane or Tyr? Tyr once again reached down for me and in a flash I swept him off his feet and onto his ass with an oomph.  
  
"Soo...breaking the ones on your left arm wasn't enough? Let's try your right!" Shane had taken over. I yelled in my mind for Shane to stop but he kept struggling with Tyr. Punching and kicking him while he was on the ground.  
  
"You're so pathetic!" he screamed at me and punched Tyr in his face. I had had enough. My body is my body! I'm not that 9-year-old anymore! I struggled to regain control, throwing Shane off balance. We tossed back and forth between control. The pain in my head was excruciating. I screamed out holding my temples and stumbling like a drunk. Tyr could have taken advantage of my instability but he just watched quietly. His eyes were as big as saucers.  
  
"Ohh god. Tyr help me." I said trying to blink away this horror that was tugging at my brain. My voice pleaded with him and my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't do this alone. I needed help. I stumbled toward Tyr like an infant learning to walk. I was using all my energy fighting for control that I had lost motor skills. Tyr scooted away from me, eyeing me with disgust.  
  
"Get Beka.please!" I said between sorrowful wails. I gritted my teeth feeling my control breaking down rapidly. It felt like I had bolted a door to keep him out and he was bursting through. I wanted Beka to rub my back and tell me it would be ok. I needed her support.  
  
"You can't keep me in here forever." Shane said laughing hysterically. His light childlike voice was misleading.  
  
"I CAN TRY!" I screamed staring at ceiling in agony. My face felt stretched and worn from holding this grimace so long.  
  
"Who looks like a lunatic now.your talking to yourself you idiot. And look at Tyr.he won't even lift a finger to help."  
  
"What is wrong with you!" Tyr bellowed slowly getting to his feet. He inched away with each step getting bigger then the last. From his vantage point this must have seemed ridicules. I had to remember that they didn't know about Shane.They didn't know about my disorder. This was all new to them. I opened my mouth to explain but ended up biting down on my lip to keep Shane from speaking. I could tell Shane wasn't as strong as he use to be or he would have taken me over completely without hesitation.like he use to. But I also knew that if I didn't get help he would soon take over my life completely. I couldn't keep this up forever. I was exhausted. Sweat covered my body and my eyes rolled around in my head. I fell to my knees swaying from side to side. That hypothetical door was hanging on by a thread. I couldn't hold him back any longer.  
  
"What's going on!?" Dylan asked when Tyr backed into him, startling the freaked out neit.  
  
"Harper is a lunatic." Tyr said pointing at me as if he were tattling. I lifted my eyes. All I heard was a white noise in the background. There was someone next to Dylan. I squinted to see who it was.  
  
"Humm...I see its shay and his little friend "shame" back together again." The man beside Dylan said. I couldn't believe what I saw. My mind flashed back to all the times I had encountered the slumgang. Oh My God it was him. The leader! In all my shock I failed to notice the hot shiver running up my spine. I heard a loud snap that rang in my ears. That sound was all too familiar. The darkness glazed over my eyes. I was to tired to fight.  
  
"No." I said weakly before the light at the end of the tunnel disappeared. 


	3. chapter 3

I just love reviews! They give me incentive to put another part out...so here you go! Chapter 3!  
  
The sensation I felt was strange...it felt like someone had turned me on with a flip of a switch and my body was trying to manage the sudden surge of power... My brain felt foggy and my nose ached. I looked down just in time to see the red liquid drip down in a long pouring stream landing on my pants. I quickly reached up but not before I was tackled fiercely to the ground...The light speed jarring instantly made me flash back to a 9 year-old me being tackled by the slumgangs. I flailed my arms wildly as the person struggled to restrain me. It was strange, this moment was the first time Shane hadn't been around when I was afraid and I was quit relieved. I struggled with my eyes fused shut. I refused to see the leader of the slumgangs....straddling me and preparing to do what he had done before. I was quickly restrained and I grimaced knowing pain was next on the agenda.  
  
"Wait! Wait! Har...Harper?" A voice called. It couldn't be anyone else but Beka.  
  
I opened my eyes and blinked away the blur of confusion. I was overwhelmingly disoriented and my head felt like it weight a ton. A big shadow was in my direct line of vision so I squinted to figure out what it was.  
  
"Dylan?" I said as the tall and heavy man stopped struggling with me and stared wildly. He straddled my hips and his weight was crushing me making me feel like I was becoming part of the grating. My eyes continued to adjust but slowly. I could see his right eye was turning a deep shade of purple and he struggled to breathe letting out a gurgling wheeze. I knew right away that that was Shane's doing. I looked past Dylan to a very scared and worried Beka. Lines of stress and worry had crept around her eyes and mouth making her appear older then she was. Dylan stared angrily at me as the gravity made the blood from my nose slid down my cheek and into my ear annoyingly. It made me remember the many nights when I use to cry myself to sleep staring at the ceiling and fruitlessly wishing Shane would just disappear one day. I use to pray, plead and beg for him to just pack his things and leave never to return. I use to cry so long and so hard that the redundancy of wiping tears that I knew would gather again would dawn on me and I would just let them run their course, They'd slide down my cheek and into my ear making me flinch with annoyance but not breaking me out of my woeful mood enough to wipe them away. Dylan loosened his grip on my wrists only to pick up the force lance beside me and aim. My body tensed and my mind stilled. His face was like steel. His lips were tight and his chin was held high...like she was trying to regain the dignity that Shane had stripped from him. His chest heaved and I could tell the anger was building to critical levels. Beka slowly walked up to Dylan and grabbed his shoulder.  
  
"Harper is that you?" She said and I nodded slowly never taking my eyes off of Dylan. Somehow she could tell when I was back when no one else could....just like my mother could. I was so frightened to learn of what I might have done or said...What Shane might have done. I wanted to cry but with the look on Dylan's face and this force lance pointed at my head...shitting my pants seemed like the more appropriate thing to do.  
  
"Dylan...." I said but he quickly shushed me stuffing the force lance into my eye agonizingly...He shuddered with both pain and unrelenting anger which made the force lance dig deeper into my socket. I arched my back somehow thinking that might ease the pain, when in fact it didn't help at all. I took a quick intake of air leaving my mouth gaping in shock. Would he shoot?  
  
"Dylan stop! He couldn't help it! IT WASN'T HIM!" She said she screamed close to tears. Whatever I had done had been bad enough for Beka to worry that Dylan might actually fire that weapon into my eye through my head and through this floor. I didn't know if that was good or bad...I didn't want to face what I had done and what I might have said. I was never a fan of suicide but this was one of those times when Black Death would be preferred over this cold living. His icy glare was terrible and I wish he'd just shoot.  
  
"Like hell it wasn't him! So it wasn't him to gave me this black eye and these broken ribs. It wasn't him who slapped you around and called you a whore , and it wasn't him who shot Drake." His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I had shot someone? But worst of all...I had hit beka?  
  
"I...I..." I stuttered...I needed something to say in my defense but there wasn't anything I could say. Drake? He must have been the man who was here before I blacked out. It took me awhile to figure out who it was that stood beside Dylan. He was a tall man. He wore all black and his skin was a dark bronze. His smile triggered my memory. That same smile that had prompted so much fear that I later found was justified when I was 9. The leader of the hellgang...the slumgang.  
  
"Is he dead." I whispered slowly and softly. Forgetting about the weapon jabbed in my eye just long enough to get the words out.  
  
"DO YOU WANT HIM DEAD!!?" Dylan yelled furiously. Spit flew from his mouth and his eye seemed to turn a shade darker which only made me feel worse. I had beaten up my captain and my friend...the only friend I really trusted and I had shot someone.  
  
"NO! PLEASE...I'M SORRY...I ...I ..IT WASN'T ME ..." I said pitifully. Beka spoke up from behind Dylan. Her voice was quiet as if she wasn't sure whether she should be sticking up for me or ramming her own force lance in my other eye.  
  
"Harper has a sever case of ...split personality disorder. Dylan...it wasn't him" She said again pleadingly. I noticed the blood smeared on Dylan's fist and realized that he was the one who had given me the bloody nose. I had assumed it was him but that was the proof. He still sat...straddling my hips snorting and clenching his teeth in anger he pulled the force lance away from my eye but my socket still felt like something large was stuffed in it. He dropped the lance next to him and it clattered on the floor noisily breaking the awkward silence momentarily. He hung his head and his breathing was the only sound. He revved his fist back and came down hard. I braced for impact and heard his fist smack loudly onto the hollow grated floor inches from my head. He roared angrily and picked himself up off of me gingerly...holding his ribs and exhaling the pain. What had I done...he done?  
  
"Split personality..." He whispered...his gaze now seemed distant. He stood a few feet away from me looking down at me like he had just scrapped me off the bottom of his shoe. I looked away but I could still feel his eye burning into me.  
  
" LOOK AT ME HARPER!" He screamed uncharacteristically. I would have taken slavery any day over seeing that much disappointment on his face.  
  
"THIS IS THE DAMAGE YOU'VE CAUSED!" He continued sorely. He pressed his neck communicator  
  
"Rommie...Take Mr. Harper to the Med Deck. Confine him to a bed until further notice. When he's secure have Trance look him over." I shuddered at his words and the even-ness of his tone. He'd said confine. I knew what that meant that meant being strapped down to the bed like a lunatic. The only problem was I was a lunatic and shane had gotten out of restraints before.  
  
"Dylan I think you should get looked at too." Beka said only to get a twisted gaze from Dylan in return.  
  
"I will, I just need to think some things through first." He said crossing his arms.  
  
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I kept saying but the damage was done. I knew both me and Beka were in hot water. And the things he needed to think through would be our stay on this ship. I looked at Beka and she instantly looked away. Usually I can stand the cold shoulder but not from Beka...it felt like I had disappointed my surrogate mother. Hot bile rose in my throat as I thought about the possibilities of what I had done and what I was capable of. My vision had cleared and I realized where I was. I was on the Maru. How did I get here? I have no clue. Footsteps came rushing up and both Beka and Dylan turned to see an irate Tyr running with his biggest gun already powered up and ready. Shitting my pants seemed more and more like the right thing to do. Dylan stopped him of course...he might have hated me, found me a loose cannon, an annoying and seemingly dangerous piece of work but he was still captain.  
  
"The situation has been neutralized." Dylan said. The rest of his words were only for Tyr. He whispered and Tyr's eyes squinted at me as if to say "one day little man. Watch your back." I squirmed a little under his gaze only making him visibly tighten his grip on his gun. I stilled immediately. I wiped the blood from my face and tried without luck to get the blood out of my ear. Rommie plus two Maria bots showed up to carry me away to my interrogation. I would have to explain what Shane was, who he was, and why he caused so much damage. The real question would be why I didn't warn him about this...this possible risk to his ship and his mission. I knew Dylan well enough to know that he would milk as much info from Trance and Beka before actually talking to me. And between the both of them he'd find that I was a lunatic and needed to be confined to quarter and later thrown out of an air lock into magog space. Rommie grabbed me coldly and yanked me to my feet. I hadn't expected her to be nice...I had hurt her Captain. The walk to med deck was long and tooo quiet.  
  
Dylans Pov 2 hours later  
  
I sat in the observation deck. Anger welling up and making my throat tight.  
  
"Split personality disorder?" I scoffed. It seemed ridiculous but I looked up the disorder anyway. It cleared up why Harper had looked so menacing. I remember I had to catch a gasp in my throat when I saw him look up from under his lashes and stare at Drake. What was it about Drake that got to him? I don't know...all I know is that he was on him in a flash. A fury of fists and kicks connecting astonishingly fast and amazingly accurate. I jumped in the fight to tear Harper off but it only seemed to enrage him...before I could even think of drawing my weapon Harper had turned his attack on me. It seemed like I had the size advantage but he used my size against me, catching me off balance when I lashed out. I flinched just thinking of the beating I had gotten from my once quirky engineer. He seemed like a different person...he was a different person. He skillfully beat me down talking and mumbling the whole time about the corruption of the commonwealth and about my supposed superiority complex. He grabbed my force lance from my holster whirled around and shot Drake instantly sending him into a screaming pain riddled ball heaped pitifully against the wall. Harper laughed this laugh that I could never forget. It didn't' even sound like it could possible come from him...this high pitched scream of a laugh. It sickened me to see him hunched over in laughter after shooting someone. Beka ran up from behind him and tried to restrain him only to be pushed away....He laughed and revved back his arm only to stop inches from her face. His face softened considerably for a second and the ambiance was strangely captivating. He looked around like he had just remembered something important, grinned, and ran down the corridor dodging Tyrs attacks. Beka ran over to me and I waved her off and pointed to Drake. She checked his pulse and called Trance to pick him up because I was too winded to make that order.  
  
"Tyr. Get reinforcements" I had said...obviously fighting wasn't going to take him down. Tyr jogged off and I stumbled to my feet following behind an irate yet scared Beka. Her eyes seemed to know what was happening.  
  
"Andromeda Locate Mr Harper" I crocked.  
  
"Harper has just entered the Maru and is out of my sensor range." She said evenly in her typical Rommie tone. Beka looked at me and ran full force for the docking bay. If anyone could hack the Maru and steal her it was Harper. We finally made it onto the Maru only to stumble into Harper's trap. I didn't know what hit me. All I knew was that I fell and I fell hard. My chest felt caved in and I couldn't move or get air. Harper grabbed Beka by the hair masterfully. She struggled but Harper blocked all punches and grabbed her by her hair again. She grunted in both pain and surprise and her face balled up with the effort to keep up with Harper's long strides.  
  
"Give me the access codes." He said evenly. I couldn't' see them at this point...I could barely breathe. They had turned the corner but I could hear them just fine. Beka refused and Harper demanded more firmly doing something to make Beka yelp out and ignite me with energy. I stumbled to my feet grabbing my swollen chest and stepping over the pipe I assumed Harper had used to do this damage. I knew a rib was broken but Beka's yelp continued to burn in my heart.  
  
"Give me the Codes you stupid whore!" He shouted....I wondered where the hell tyr was when you needed him. I picked up the pipe only to find that harper had taken beka's weapon and had it aimed and ready for my entry...I ducked just in time to miss my head getting shot off. The quick movement made some of my ribs shift and I moaned with blinding pain  
  
"Come on Dylan. Why do you always have to be the hero!" His voice was a high pitched child like voice. Light yet psychotic. Shivers of old fears came back...his voice reminded me of monsters under my bed and witches in my closet.  
  
"Harper! What the hell is this about! Let beka go!"  
  
"ohh you wanna negotiate huh?"  
  
"How about you tell Beka to give me the codes! I'll blow her brains out if you don't" He said mockingly  
  
"Let her go Harper!" I screamed and he laughed again...I shuddered. I pushed my neck communicator and whispered to rommie.  
  
"Rommie I need you to remove the AG field from this docking bay and vent the coolent tanks on deck 19." I knew the act of releasing the coolent tanks would be enough to rock anyone who wasn't inside an AG field anyone who was inside one would barely feel a thing.  
  
"Acknowledged"  
  
There was a moment of silence then the Maru rocked violently sending all three of us flying in all different directions. I slid on the floor and in all the confusion grabbed wildly for the forcelance that had fell from harpers hand. Harper slowly stood and I punched him without hesitation bloodying his nose. He fell back and then stood on wobbly legs...He looked around dazed and confused but I wasn't done with him yet..I tackled him and then lost all control over my anger. I shook my head at how utterly angry I was that he had shot a man, attacked me, and treated beka like a piece of shit.  
  
I sat here in the obs deck awaiting Beka and Trance's arrivel. If any two people could explain in depth what just happened they could. I could here their tentative footsteps behind me.  
  
"I'm disappointed in both of you." I began. I rubbed the bridge of my nose and suppressed the need to scream and punch and kick and all out beat the holy shit out of both of them.  
  
"You have not only compromised my ship, and my mission, but also the health and wellbeing of this crew." I stood and turned so they can see the spreading brousies and cuts on my face and arms. Trance drew back a little and I could tell she was in disbelief that her little engeenier could do something like this.  
  
"I know that both of you knew about this...Knew there was a problem and you took lengths to keep this information from me." Trance pipped up.  
  
"Dylan all I knew was that he was moody so I diagnosed him with manic depression and prescribed some meds accordingly....He never told me he was violent and on the meds he seemed fine, He didn't seem like a threat." She said letting her words drift.  
  
"And you Beka?"  
  
"I had promised him Dylan" Beka said matter of factly which made me boil over with rage.  
  
"So your promise means more to you then the lives of this crew!"  
  
"I never thought it would come to this! He told me he had split personality disorder just in case something like this ever happened.....just in case."  
  
"Why is this happening now??"  
  
"His data port was installed when he was 15 not only to give him an advantage as an engineer but to suppress his alter...Shane. But now it's malfunctioning and his disorder is back. I tired to tell you about it in the café...but Rommie called you to the bridge before I had the chance"  
  
"Shane..." I scoffed and paced in front of them.  
  
"He's had split personality disorder since he was 9. He wanted to just forget about it and live his life. He never thought this would happen...he just told me just in case. He needs to get to a doc and get his data port fixed before his disorder gets worse."  
  
"Worse?"  
  
"Before Shane takes over completely."  
  
"I have never heard of a procedure like this." I said exasperated  
  
"That's because Harper is probably the only person to ever go through the procedure and a Dr. Keets from earth is the only doctor who can do the procedure."  
  
"That's funny...Drakes last name is keets." I mumbled more to myself then anyone else.  
  
"What's Drakes condition?" I asked a startled Trance. I could tell that this was the first time she had ever heard about Harper's disorder and she was trying to let it all sink in.  
  
"He's fine, The nanobots have almost completely healed the wound." She said innocently. Her tail winding around mindlessly beside her.  
  
"And Harper" I said micro breathing so my ribs wouldn't expand.  
  
"Physically he's fine. But he's really quiet...can tell he's really sorry. From what Rommis told me I didn't think it would be a good idea for him to be in the same room with Drake so I put him in the back." I nodded my understanding and felt a wave of dizziness sweep over me. In all my anger I had almost forgotten about the extent on my injuries.  
  
"Dylan....I think you should come to med lab too..." She said more like a question then a statement. I was still angry but I couldn't help but smile at Trance. She constantly tired to avoid conflict...every statement was a suggestion rather then a command or something matter of fact. I gathered myself once again remembering the pain. I nodded to her and she walked over to help me. Beka attempted to come my way but the anger and disappointment I let gravitate to my face stopped her in her tracks. She was my first officer and her duty was to tell me of any threats. She had overlooked her duty because of a personal relationship and I wasn't going to have that on my ship.  
  
"Beka you are confined to quarters until further notice." I said over my shoulder as Trance struggled to get me to med deck.  
  
"Why am I confined to quarters!" She said loudly and with disregard to my rank she walked up to me and placed her hand defiantly on her hips.  
  
"You're confined to quarters because you withheld information that could have prevented this situation. Instead of telling me of Harpers condition you hid it. Beka...This isn't a game. You can't tell me after the damage is done to beware...it's to late now...if anyone is responsible for this....it's you. You have intentionally neglected your duties as first officer and there for relieved of duty." I said evenly. I had learned that getting worked up with Beka only made her feel more in control. If I stayed in control and didn't let her rudeness sway me, my words would have more meaning.  
  
"I understand" She said letting her hands slide from her waist. Her eyes searched the surrounding area...any excuse not to look at me. Trance tugged gently and I followed. I felt sore and broken. I finally entered med lab to see Harper bound tightly to a table with a maria bot standing close by.  
  
Harper's Pov  
  
I looked over to see Dylan being ushered in by Trance. The bruises had spread to there full size and I grimaced at the thought that I had beaten my captain mercilessly. I wanted to say something but I didn't think it would help so I stayed quiet. The restraints dug deeply into my wrists and ankles thanks to Rommie's lose of bedside manner. I knew she was so angry with me she could kill me herself. I had finally completely wigged out and I had lost the trust of every member of this ship. There was a slight hum in the back of my mind. He was there...waiting for me to put my guard down. He was like a scavenger...feeding off my used emotions. Oddly I wondered if my hair was ok and I chuckled inwardly at the stupidity of my thoughts. Laughter is the best medicine I thought. Dylan gingerly laid down on the table next to mine, about 5 feet away. He couldn't look at me and I could tell his breathing and pulse had quickened from the sheer sight of me. I was numb. A part of me new this was what happens when your mentally insane, it knew how this would play out. Just like how my other relationships played out were people run away screaming aimlessly into the night. The other part of me really didn't' want to lose this. I had made a good life here. That part wasn't ready to give up. I heard a noise from the back and I shifted my gaze to the other side of the room. A man sauntered in looking pale and spent. I struggled against my restraints....my first reaction was to run. It was Drake. I hadn't killed him...my shock gave Shane a little leeway and once again I bolted the door and he banged and begged to be let out.  
  
"You shot me Shay...Nice to see you too...We've got a few things to discuss." His face seemed to crack in the middle horizontally and those big teeth shone through frighteningly.  
  
To Be Continued... 


	4. Chapter 4

I snarled faintly. I didn't want to stir up anymore worry then there already was. All eyes were already on me studying my reaction. Everyone in the room even Trance stilled and watched while both Dylan and Rommie palmed there force lances pointedly. The bruises on Dylan's face had grown...Either that or my guilt had grown.  
  
"What are you doing here Drake?" I said through clenched teeth. I had reason to hate him, Reason to wanna kill him and reason to shoot him. I had all the reason in the world to shoot him. I just know in real life...I wouldn't have. Shane became a loud clatter of noise in my head. He was extremely agitated and once again I fought to keep a handle on reality. Drake hobbled a little closer and I realized I'd shot him in his lower abdomen. I snickered inwardly.  
  
"It's a shame isn't it shay...I was aiming for his balls." Shane said with a chuckle in his voice and I had to work hard not to laugh. I understood the seriousness of this situation...But it was my routine defense mechanism to find something funny in every moment. A defense mechanism that was both a gift and a curse. It made me the annoying little manic depressive lunatic I am today but it also helped me to survive all those cold desperate days. Drake opened his mouth to speak and once again I saw those big pearly teeth. They seemed to tease me. The same teeth that caught me with that loaf of bread and the same teeth that had grinned down at me after breaking my legs and slitting the corners of my mouth. Those teeth were a contrast to the bloody teeth I had spat out onto the blood soaked ground. All of a sudden nothing was funny anymore.  
  
"I'm here for a very important reason. I know you probably hate me and I know I deserved being shot for what I did to you, but can we look past that and try to work together." He said. His expression changed...or did it just seem different because the words coming out of his mouth wasn't as caustic as I had expected them to be. I studied his lazy brown eyes in confusion. I wanted to hate him...and Shane's anger boiling under the surface only reinforced my desire to rip his head off.  
  
"Yeah I remember you, and you deserve more than just being shot." I said eyeballing him with hate. I would have said more but the fact that I was strapped down to a table and he was standing freely didn't escape me.  
  
"Yeah he deserved to be shot in the balls...don't you agree?" Shane said.  
  
"SHUT UP SHANE!" I screamed. And I regretted saying it out loud the moment it left my lips. But I was frustrated and he had said and done enough already. I scanned the room for beka but she was nowhere to be found. Was she disgusted with me? I thought she would be the first person by my side but maybe I had finally crossed the line and lost her friendship, lost her love.  
  
"Ha-ha...Well someone looks crazy." He said. He would always say that....so redundant and stupid. But I'd believe him...believe I was crazy and worthless. He taunting me, telling me I was a fool, from slight whispers that I could easily take for a trick of the wind to loud all consuming nerve rattling screams. Even to this day...even when he wasn't around I'd doubt myself just because I was use to someone second guessing my decisions all the time. The self-esteem he had stripped from me I had never gotten back.  
  
"Sorry...I'm just not use to this...it's been a long time." I said looking away. It had been a long time. Long enough for me to forget that Shane had even existed. Long enough for me to stop hating myself and to start believing that I was a worthy if not an equal member of this crew. I guess I was a fool...I should have known my past would come back and haunt me. Trance walked up to me timidly and injected me with something. Her face shared my pain and it sadden me that her face was creased because of something I had done. I had prided myself on being the one thing in her life that she could count on...The quirky engineer and his little pixie. When in real life I was the masked lunatic waiting to pounce on his unsuspecting fairy. I was thanking the divine I hadn't hurt her. She was to innocent...to vulnerable. Glimpses of Shane strangling her flashed before my eyes. I closed my eyes but the scene still played out on the inside of my lids. She screamed out, asking why. I stiffened at the sound of her neck snapping...fast and sharp like the crack of a whip. She hung loose in his grip and her lips turned a deep shade of purple Shane laughed loudly and then to my horror he morphed into me. I stood there holding my dead pixie laughing my ass off like it was a good thing. I shuddered and balled my face up in an attempt not to cry. I shook the image out of my mind and focused on the nice purple alive Trance that was administering a shot.  
  
"What was that?" I asked. Checking the color of her lips unconsciously.  
  
"It's an antipsychotic" She stuttered. I wish she could tell me my future, tell me that somehow everything would work out and that I wouldn't be responsible for my friends death...or responsible for the death of Dylan's dream. I imagined Statues of me with a quote on the base. 'The lunatic who killed Dylan's dream' or 'The lunatic who killed the universes dream for peace'. I knew that would never happen but the image still stood. Standing solidly in marble...my fault for everyone to see. Once again I shook the image away.  
  
"Those don't work very well on me" I said remembering all of the meds the doc had scrounged together to help me. Only to find out that it either didn't work or made things worse.  
  
"I didn't think it would since you had to do the drastic and get a data port to suppress it...but it should help to..." she hesitated not knowing the polite way to say it.  
  
"It should help a little to quiet the voices and the ...delusions" She winced and I nodded. At least she had tried to be kind. Anything other than calling me a lunatic was a pleasant remark in my book. I watch Trance quickly retreat and I realized that even strapped down everyone in the room was afraid of me. They didn't know that Shane could easily get out of these restraints. Should I tell them? Or should I let myself break free to rip Drake's head off while I know I can. Would that be right? He deserved to die didn't he? Not just for what he did to me...but for what he'd done to so many others. But if I followed those rules then I'd be just as deserving to die for all those I've hurt. Do I deserve to die? I became frustrated at the unanswerable questions that streamed non-stop through my head. I looked over to a blank monitor and saw my wide eyed reflection staring back. At least my hair was ok...I smiled weakly. I realized that my hair was the only part of myself that I completely accepted. It was also the only part of me that described me. My hair was short yet wild. Thick and sharp to the touch. My hair was untamed just like my mind. It was an expression only i could see...I saw all those charactereistics in my hair while everyone else thought it was just some weird quirky fashion statement. It felt good to have something all to myself.  
  
I looked back over to Drake. Who had been patiently watching the scene before him. He looked like an older version of his evil self. The key word was older. Had he changed?  
  
"Why are you here?" I muttered.  
  
"Here's the long story." He said bracing himself against a nearby wall. He looked like shit and Trance tried to lead him back to his bed but he waved her away.  
  
"My name is Drake as you probably already know, but what you don't know is my last name is Keets."  
  
"What? Keets?"  
  
"Yes, Keets as in your Doctor, Mr. Keets, son. He died a few years back and left all of his research materials to me. Including your file marked urgent." He studied my face for a moment and then continued.  
  
"As I was reading I found that my old man had gotten himself in a lot of trouble with the Orca pride, Back when they were something. Seems he was ordered to create a biological weapon, one that could survive in space, multiply, and kill whole planets in days. The only people who would be immune would be the Orca Pride because they would be the only ones with the antidote. My father gave them just that by created a substance called O.M.S which means One Man Standing. The Orca pride would then use the antidote as a Bargaining tool, of course bargaining for a planets allegiance in exchange for their lives. After my father created the chemical he saw the error of his ways and removed crucial characters from the formula and ran. He ended up hiding out on earth, running a shabby little clinic and adopting me as his son. Then I skimmed down the document to the interesting part...you wanna hear?"  
  
I rolled my eyes at the unecessary drama. Inside my mind was exploding...Trying to see if I could remember anything that would serve as proof to his statements.  
  
"He said that during your surgery while separating Shane from your mental processes He shut your part of the brain down and in the small window of time before you brain suffered irreversible damage, he told Shane not only the missing characters to the equation, but the antidote as well in hopes of hiding the antidote. He never guessed that a little kludge like you would someday find a way off earth. Through my contacts I have found that the Orca Pride, through kidnapping more biochemists, has been able to complete the deadly equation without the help of my father.  
  
If this weapon is released it will destroy us all before we could even come close to finding an antidote. That is without your help. If we could somehow get to the information your have stored up there...we could save lives shay."  
  
He explained this in what seemed to have been one strained yet pleading breath. He breathed out tiredly letting even more color drain from his already exhausted face. I didn't know what to think. Should I be angry? Should I be confused? I understood all his words but they just seemed to make no sense. So I said the first thing on my mind...  
  
"Whatever...." I said in my usual Harper-the-silly-engineer tone.  
  
"It's all true, I have the documentation to prove it." He said taking another step forward.  
  
"Who cares about documentation...it's just not true....Dr. Keets is too smart to have left something so important with my alter on now. This is bullshit." I looked around for reassurance but only silence filled the already awkward med lab. They just stared...wide eyed like I was some sort of creature, some sort of monster. They are all against me.  
  
"Let me go! It's all lies!" I struggled feverishly.  
  
"There all against you Harper...They always have been. This is there excuse to get rid of you" Shane snarled. He stood next to my bed and tapped the restraints. I don't know when exactly he became visible to me. All I knew was that he was there asking me to release him from the locked chamber in my head. I wasn't sure whether it was that Drake's tale was highly unlikely or whether It was the ridiculous notion that Shane could hold something that could save lives, but I just couldn't believe his story and it was making me see red.  
  
"You don't have to listen to this bullshit...I could let you go." He whispered eagerly and he seemed so real. I could feel his breath hissing on my cheek. I could almost smell his breath and hear the beating of his heart. There was a darkness around him. The darkness lived in his eyes and under his lids, it lived in his hair and was the deep dark that was the back of his throat when he laughed. He look at me from under his long lashes and laughed because he knew I was breaking. Should I listen? All these questions and no answers! I didn't know what to do and I realized that Shane was relishing in the fact that once again I was relying on him to make my decisions for me. I mentally reached out...taking the key off of a near by hook and putting it in the lock...slowly turning it knowing that once I opened this door Shane would have free reign and I would have to live with whatever Shane decided to do. Why was I so easily persuaded? I could only think that it was part of the sickness and part of Shane's overall plan. Stripping me of my self-esteem until I could only see through his eyes.  
  
"Harper Stop!" yelled a voice in my head sultry and sweet. I looked up from my insanity and stared at Trance and she stared back innocently. It was her voice...in my head. She was here with me.  
  
"Listen Harper." She said and the key flew from my hand and back onto the peg I had gotten it from. I seemed to have been pulled from the nightmare world and slammed back into my own body with enough force to make my teeth rattle.  
  
"Shay...I have a cure!" Drake blurted. I guess he could see the inner turmoil. The sickness swelling up inside me.  
  
"What?" I said watching Shane fade from my sight. Was Trance doing all of this? Was she helping me?  
  
"He's lying! Let me free and I'll prove it!" He said frantically, desperately trying to hold on to my reality. Then his eyes landed on Trance. He stared and frowned a deep dark frown that made Trance shudder and teeter a little from side to side.  
  
"your next..." he whispered playfully before he was completely gone.  
  
"I have a cure for your multiple personality disorder." Drake said. He seemed to be fighting Shane...like he knew he had been there. Was I making it obvious? Did everyone know I was seeing things? I looked around the room and watched as everyone stared at me in confusion. Trance's eyebrows were raised in sadness and even Dylan seemed to understand the desperation. His anger had melted away and only pity was left. I wasn't sure whether that was better or worse. Rommie folded her arms but her eyes looked down on my like I had disappointed her. Like she knew I had given up for that split second and had almost unleashed Shane onto this crew.  
  
"Dr, Keets created it just before he died...." Drake said...  
  
"Well isn't that convenient! It's bullshit!..." I said. It was too convenient...He couldn't make a cure in all those years I was on earth but miraculously he could make one before he died. It was convenient that Drake had found me just when my data port had malfunctioned. It was too convenient to believe...  
  
"I thought you'd say that...." He pointed to a monitor near by and my eyes widened at the sight. I didn't see my reflection this time only horrifing images of me scuffling with Dylan, Punching and kicking with all my might. The pleading look on Dylan's face broke my heart. Then the scene changed...I saw me slap Beka...No it was Shane, In my clothes and in my skin. He slapped her so hard she spun and hit the ground with a loud whimper of protest. Her usually neat hair spun and fell with her dramatically and she looked up at me pleadingly...my cold creased face showed no remorse as I struck out again. I couldn't' stand the sight. I had hit Beka...It was like hitting my mom! My eyes watered and I couldn't believe that all this was happening to me. I blinked thinking that maybe, just maybe it would all go away. But it didn't and I watched myself beat Beka on the bridge of the maru...yelling about codes like a madman.  
  
"Stop it! I get it!...." I shouted letting spit and tears fly.  
  
"So you see shay...do you really wanna take that chance...do you really wanna turn me away when I could make all of this go away?" Drake pointed at the screen and I couldn't' tell whether he really wanted to help or whether he was being disgustingly manipulative. But did it really matter? Did I want to take that chance?  
  
"Don't call me shay...My name is Harper...What do I have to do?"  
  
"All I need is your cooperation." He said smiling again only this time I didn't hate it so much. 


	5. Chapter 5

All I need is your cooperation…All I need is your cooperation?  
All I need is your cooperation! I couldn't tell which one of those statements applied. Couldn't figure out which tone was accurate. The words seemed out of place and in the wrong text. Maybe it was because cooperating with him seemed ridiculously funny and wrong. The fact that I knew his name sickened me because knowing his name almost made him human. The words that came out of his mouth didn't correlate with his past actions. I didn't completely trust him…in fact I didn't trust him at all, but I am desperate enough to try anything.

I had had way to much time to think, lying in the med lab for the last two days while Dylan and Drake came up with a game plan. I felt it strange how they were deciding my fate without me but there wasn't anything I could do. I stared at the wall and contemplated the silliest of things. I thought about how there had been so much advancement during the commonwealth era but they couldn't find a way to make these med beds comfortable. What was up with the triangle pillows? And you would think that they would find a way to make a medical deck less intimidating when in fact it was a lot scarier. All the tools and lasers lying ominously around. I shudder to think about all the surgeries and procedures that had gone on in here over the years. I also wondered if there had ever been an incident like mine to ever grace this deck. I wondered if that person had been strapped to this very bed contemplating the purpose of triangle pillows and grey bedding.

Trance has been working with me. Trying to get me to talk about my feelings but I don't need a counselor…I need an exorcist. I knew she had my best interest at heart but I still couldn't open up to her. She was just too innocent to bother her with my silly dribbles. I would feel like I'm tainting her if I spilled all the horrid details of my life and explained the way my twisted mind warped and stretched reality. It would be like dropping black ink in white paint. I breathed out heavily because I was having one of those famous Harper moments right now. One of those moments when I know my thinking is flawed but I can't shake the irrational emotions building in my chest. Why I was angry? I didn't know. All I knew was that I hated any and everyone at this moment and the frustration of knowing that I can no longer perform my duties, the duties that made me feel human…the frustration seemed to be burning red hot in my chest and throat. I wanted to scream and to lash out and break everything…but that would be feeding into my already established insanity wouldn't it? I could see the crew running in armed shaking their heads and sucking their teeth

"tsk tsk Harper. Your so damaged." That's what they'd all say in unison before retreating to there lives, turning up my sparky's and crushing them playfully and teasingly on their foreheads because…hell, I'm not gonna need them where I'm going. It was strange how vivid these little daydreams I've been having have been. Seeing statues of me with sad quotes, watching Shane snap Trances neck and now this…I could still see them laughing and pointing while chugging my sparky's. I could especially see Beka…shoulders bobbing and her eyes watering because she's been laughing so long. My mind was slowly making her a villain. Even though I knew if anything I was the villain. I just couldn't win…I was torn between crying and laughing at how ridiculously pathetic I was laying here mindlessly gritting my teeth and scratching at the bed, clawing at the gray drab. Trance had removed the restraints but I could still feel them, digging into my arms and legs…A constant reminder that I'm not normal and shackling me was necessary. That I'm sick and mentally unstable to the point that I'm not fit to even eat or hold conversation with the crew but cause I'm no longer on their level. None of the crew had been in to see me other then Trance. I was in my own personal padded room and trance was my pleasant little therapist. You know the kind that tells you that everything will be all right but pumps you full of meds just in case. Even if I had the strength to get up and run where would I go? And Rommie would probably strike me down with a well placed and super charged bolt of lightning before my feet even hit the ground. I didn't blame them for shying away. Beka…Well, she must hate me for what I did to her. I knew she had been confined to quarters by dylan and couldn't see me...but I don't think she would have come to visit anyway. Not after what I did to her. When I signed onto the Maru I never thought that one day I'd physically attack her, but most times do you ever imagine your life turning out the way it did? I never thought I'd make it off earth, or become an engineer…I never thought I'd create Rommie or that I would work side by side with a Nietzchien and a Maggog. Hmm…. Nietzchean. Tyr…I don't even know what to say. I've lashed out at him on two different occasions and the fact that he hasn't snuck in here to snuff me out during the wee hours of the night has completely surprised me. I was waiting every night for him to stuff his broken bone spurs down my throat and whisper something in my ear before death glazed over my eyes. Once again I got a vivid visual and shook it away.

I've been trying to keep my thoughts from straying to the negative but it's hard when you can hear a voice in your head. It's especially hard when you have to call for your best friend to get out of bed so you can get more meds, to stop the disembodied whispers that seem to purposely frustrate me to the point where I dig these huge scratches in the bedding. I ran my hands over them sadly. It seemed like no matter what I had to destroy something. Trance would never say that she hated the fact that she had to get up, throw on a robe and sedate me every night because I was screaming at nothing but I could tell she dreaded it.

"How do you feel today?" My med loving therapist said while walking into med lab. She was as bubbly as ever and if it had been anyone else I would have resented their misplaced happiness during this horrible time in my life, But her happiness was different and her exuberance tugged at my lips and just like every other time I forgot that I was suppose to feel uncomfortable and awkward around her. I smiled a little consciously covering the scratches I had made in the bedding.

"Tired…" I said letting my eyes fall half-mast. I had been pumped full of anti psychotics and sedatives. So many that I had lost count but they were keeping Shane at bay and that's all that mattered.

"Sorry, it's Dylan's orders. He just wants to make sure…" Her happiness was starting to dwindle and I hated to see it go. I interrupted her…

"..That I won't hurt anyone else. I understand." There was an awkward silence. Trance mindlessly winded her tail in her hands biting her lower lip. I knew she had something to say but I didn't feel like talking about my feeling so I wasn't going to help her feel comfortable with spilling whatever was on her mind. I wanted her to be Trance and not my counselor. I wanted the smile that I had grown to love…I would yearn for it, racking my brain for a witty joke or remark just so I could see it spread across her face. I would be weirdly satisfied afterwards and able to take anything on.

"Harper why didn't you tell me?" She finally said yanking me away from my mental slideshow of Trance's smiles over the years. She looked at the floor and her skin seemed to blush a deeper purple. I remembered her lips turning that crusty deep purple illustrating her death and I gasped inwardly. I couldn't help but think that I was some how killing her. Not as cruelly as Shane but slowly and sneakily I was killing my best friend. Was this irrational thinking again?

"At the time Trance…it just wasn't necessary. I never thought I'd have to deal with this again…" I said hoping that that was enough explanation. I was hoping that her light pigment would return and we could joke about flippant things again but she still stared at the ground. Her sadness was crushing me and I didn't know how to make it all good again. I sat up slowly feeling like I was underwater. My movements were slow and fluid which would have been quiet humorous under normal circumstances but at the moment I couldn't find anything funny to take away some of this pain.

"But you told Beka…" She said and looked up with her eyes glazing over slightly. The pressure on my chest multiplied and I wanted to run away from those eyes. It was my turn to look away. All this time I had thought I was protecting her from my disgusting flaws. When in reality she would have preferred me confiding in her. I reached out and grabbed her innocent chin and relished in our closeness. She even smelled purple and I smiled slightly.

"Trance you are my best friend…and because of that what you think of me is very important to me. I could already see you worrying about me because of my shitty immune system and I didn't want to add anything more to that. I didn't want you to be disgusted with me like you are now." A sadness was in my voice and I could tell by her reaction that she could hear it. She leaned in a little and laid her head on my chest and my pulse quickened. Her wild hair sat just under my nose and I breathed in deeply. The smell of spice and purple filled my nostrils. What does purple smell like? I don't know …just take a whiff of Trance and you'll be just as baffled at the sweet and exotic fragrance. We had been this close before…but this time it felt odd. Like it was more then what meets the eye. I felt compelled to give my heart to her. I wanted to tell her everything so she could rub my hair and tell me she understands but once again. I didn't want to taint the purple with a drop of black ink…

"I'm not disgusted…and no cursing." She said quietly.

"Well, you may not be disgusted, But I know you feel sorry for me and that might just be worse" I said ignoring her cursing comment. I regretted saying it because it made her stiffen. I wrapped my arm around her and blinked away the fuzz of the drugs. She snuggled deeper and I fought against crying into her hair. There was something about her, so caring and so open with her emotion. I knew she'd listen if I told it all. I bit back the tears and refused once again to tell.

"Was that you in my head Trance? Did you help me two days ago?" I said filled with curiosity. If she had helped me before then Shane would have a personal bone to pick with her. She would be his number one target if he ever…if he ever broke free again.

"I wasn't supposed to do it. I'm not supposed to…interfere like that. I did it cause I couldn't stand to see your pain. I couldn't stand watching him whisper to you like that." She said grabbing a handful of my shirt. God this felt to good. I didn't deserve to have something feel this good. The fact that someone cared for me this much…even with the insanity. I got the feeling that she would be there for me no matter what.

"You could see him?"

"I saw what you saw…I felt what you felt. Your pain and desperation was heartbreaking. I care for you too much to just let you suffer like that. No matter the repercussions…."

"Repercussions?" The thought of her being in trouble scared me.

"So are the meds helping?" She asked pulling away rather quickly. Her sudden movement made the room spin and she grabbed me before I toppled off the bed. My head felt heavy and each eyelid felt like they had weights tied to them. I felt pissy drunk…

"They are keeping me tired and sedate enough to keep Shane at bay. You know what Trance…You're a master of mystery. I don't think I'll ever figure you out." I realized that she had changed the subject but I didn't wanna push. I didn't want to switch roles with her and become her counselor by trying to pry into her life. Her mystery is what made her wonderful, exotically beautiful. All fairies and pixies are majestically magical….they come from a secret land full of lush gardens and sweet smells. I couldn't help but picture Trance in a little pixie land amongst flowers, There was bright yellows and reds, blues, and of course greens. Everything would be singing a song even the trees and she'd dance lively to the music. Her hair would be as wild as ever harboring every color of the rainbow and her eyes would be bright and full of magic. She fit the description of a pixie perfectly and I smiled despite myself.

"Sometimes I feel the same about you…" She said turning away. She was referring to how secretive I have been about Shane's origins…about why I hated Drake…about my life on earth, and about how I felt for her. The little pixie land that I had mentally created around her dissolved and left the cold drab of med lab. I wanted to say I'm sorry but I wasn't. I didn't want her to know…I wasn't ready to share yet.

"Harper…" She said making eye contact with me again.

"Don't ever give up like that again." She cocked her head to the side and her face had fallen into a painful frown. I had really hurt her when I almost gave up…when I almost let Shane take over me.

"I won't." I said. I really meant it too. If giving up hurt her that much then the thought of doing it again was so sickening that my stomach turned. I help my hands out and she cuddled back close to me. This was something more…This was a lot more then just friendship I was feeling…

"All this time…It took something like this…all your pain for me to realize how I felt about you…and to find out that I…" She said only to be interrupted by Rommie angrily fizzling into view a few millimeters away.

"Sorry to interrupt but Dylan has requested your presence in obs." I sighed heavily and so did Trance. Sorry for interrupting? Please!

"Is he sedated heavily enough to be moved" Rommie said coldly. I had never felt more like a freak then I did right now. Trance looked at me with woeful eyes and answered Rommie without removing her eyes from mine. He lip quivered a little and I smiled at her reassuringly.

"Yes, he's sedated enough." She said feeling my pain. I kept the smile on my face for her sake. I really wanted to break down and cry. I held back the urge to swing on Rommie…I knew I wouldn't be able to hit her…she's a hologram but it would feel good just to get my aggression out. She stood there and stared until we both moved and she had a maria bot follow us the whole way to obs.

So here I was sitting in Obs listening to Drake speak. Mostly I was just watching his mouth move slow and meticulously. Catching glimpses of his teeth and shuddering. It was one of those things that hurt to watch but for reasons unknown I couldn't look away. The whole bruised crew was present and there eyes kept shifting back and forth between me and Drake. I could tell they all wanted to make eye contact with him to make sure he new they were listening but was compelled to keep an eye on me to make sure Shane was eyeing them as his next victim. I felt like a side show attraction. I was waiting for Dylan to pass out the popcorn so they can pelt it at me during my insane song and dance number. I hummed clown music in my head and snickered a little at the mental picture. I felt immature at best. Finding stupid little things to past the time had become my sad life the past couple of days. I wasn't sure if it was the drugs or one of my many defense mechanisms. Did it really matter? It was keeping the little bit of sanity I had left in tact. Dignity on the the other hand…I didn't have anymore of that stuff. There was a quick flash of Shane smiling devilishly next to Drake. I looked around frantically but no one noticed. Why would they? It didn't really happen…I screwed my eyes shut and listened to Drake. This was about me for the divines sake…if anyone should be paying attention it should be me.

"…So transporting Sha…Harper to the drift is absolutely necessary." He said. I had caught the end and was confused. I was going to a space station? Tansporting? Am I cargo now? Dylan nodded and then spoke shifting uncomfortable. He held his ribs a little and I grimaces at the stray looks I got from the crew. Beka's stare hurt the most. I couldn't tell how she felt…just that she seemed sad and tired. Was she mad at me? Tired of me? I couldn't tell, and it hurt so much. She finally blinked and then looked away leaving me wondering.

"Alright, but one of us has to present at all times during the procedure." Dylan said standing slowly. Both Tyr and Beka stood as well, and Drake followed. They all shook hands and nodded and at this point I realized that I should have been paying more attention. I fidgeted restlessly which only managed to get a low and deep growl from Tyr. He started toward me and I leaned back cowering in my chair only to fall over comically.

"ouch." I said rubbing my head. I found it hard to stand because of the meds so I just laid there pathetically. Tyr scoffed and squinted frighteningly at me. He pointed and opened his mouth to say something but saw Dylan eyeing him dangerously.

"Take Heed little one." He said before sauntering out angrily. His shoulders were squared and even his hair seemed angry…Like snakes waiting to strike. Drake and Dylan continued to discuss things walking side by side. They finally left and Beka stepped up to the door and stared. Once again I couldn't figure out how she felt. She just nodded at me…a quick slight nod and then walked out.

"Trance what just happened" I asked while she shuffled over and helped me to my feet.

"You weren't paying attention" She said putting her hands on her hips with a motherly authority.

"Haha…sorry the meds…"

"Well, Drake says he doesn't have the tech or the know how to make your data port suppress Shane but he has the technology to fix you data port to the point were you can interface with a computer at the drift that will separate you two in a virtual plane. That way he can talk to Shane about the antidote. Once he gets the info he said that he can use Dr. Keets notes to cure you. Isn't that great Harper." She said excitedly her eyes twinkled and I smiled. Still rubbing the back of my head. She walked around me and searched the back of my head for any damage. Her touch was so light and I leaned into it unconsciously. She finally finished and started tugging me along and out into the hall.

"There's only one problem Trance. Shane's not gonna just give it up the informat…" I stopped because I could see Shane leaning casually against the wall down the hall. His clothes were different. There weren't like anything I would ever wear. Black and sleek, tight and dangerous.

"I see him too Harper…hang in there ok." Trance whispered in my ear and continued to tugged me along. I was frightened…What if he hurt Trance. I quickly started to pull against her but she kept encouraging me to move forward.

"Like the new clothes? Everyday I'm getting stronger…Just because your choking down meds every five minuets doesn't mean that I stop existing. You're just giving me time to devise a plan for domination." He smiled happily which made him look young again. He started walking toward us and Trance stood her ground. I tugged at her to run but I was so weak and so out of it. Damn these sedatives!

"Trance come on! Please" I screamed but she just stood her ground. I sounded pathetic. Like a little boy fighting with their mother because they didn't' wanna leave the playground.

"He can't hurt you Harper…I won't let him." She said eyeing me reassuringly and then turning back to Shane who was now only a few feet away and gaining. Under normal circumstances Trances reassurance would have been enough to quail my fears but not this time. I knew just how evil Shane could be and her innocence didn't stand a chance against his unpredictable rage. He kept walking with an aire of power in his step. His hair bobbed with each step and his lips were pursed together with satisfaction which made him seem young and feminine but his strut was interrupted when he seemed to hit an invisible wall. He looked shocked at first rubbing his bruised nose then he became dark again…and the hall way looked as if it was closing on itself. suddenly I realized it wasn't the hallway closing it was my vision. I tried to shake it away but I couldn't. I mentally watched the key on the cobblestone wall shake and then fly into the lock with gust of force.

"Noooo…" I knew what was coming next. I let go of Trances hand and held my temples. Mentally I lunged for the key stopping it from turning. The small key dug deeply into my fingers and I gritted my teeth. This wasn't really happening right? It's all in my mind right? Then why did it feel so real?

"Harper do you trust me" She said loudly. I looked around my mind and saw her behind me. A deep blue glow shown through the cracks in the door and I knew I didn't have much time left. The door bulged out hideously in the center like a great pressure was on the other side. I lost all ties with the real world…all I saw was what was in my head.

"I trust you Trance." I said feeling the edges of the blunt key cut into my fingers. Sweat poured into my eyes and the blood from my fingers made it almost impossible to keep a grip on the small golden key.

"Then move aside." She said stepping forward.

"Ok" I said moving aside hesitantly. I trusted her…I was just so scared. She stepped forward and said a few words in a language I had never heard before. The key continued to turn slowly and I had to stop myself for lunging out again and grabbing it. She asked me if I trusted her and I said yes…I trust her to help me. Just then the key melted hotly into the lock dribbling gold down the warped door. I looked at Trance and she smiled at me.

"There's no way in or out without a key right Harper" She said seeming to prompt me along.

"Right…" I said happily. He couldn't get out now…I could hear him banging heavily on the door spewing obscenities. I just smiled. Was it finally over? He couldn't get out now. Trance walked over to me and grabbed my shoulder. She looked a little tired and I frowned. She grabbed my chin this time and leaned in. I closed my eyes in response and breathed in her aroma only to have her turn my head and peck me on my cheek. I smiled it off and rocked from heal to toe being the silly Harper she knew. She looked around the dark cellar we were in and shuddered.

"Let's get out of here." She said and just like that I found myself lying on the floor in the middle of the brightly-lit corridor. Trance stood over me looking down at me grinning. She helped me to my feet but I was still disoriented. Andromeda stood with a wide stance behind Trance and her face was that of utter disgust.

"Get him to med lab immediately and strap him down." She said then flickering out of view. Maria bots came pounding around the corner and if they had facial expressions it would be that of disgust. Trance looked at me and I looked at her and for the first time in a long time I felt like everything was gonna be ok if I just hung in there. From what Drake said we would be at Titans Drift by tomorrow morning. Tomorrow...I just had to keep hope alive...and keep Trance by myside.

To Be Continued...


End file.
